This will be a somewhat off topic from my usual masking a lack of useful or interesting content and fairly personal.
It all started about a month ago things started to go a little wobbly and life began taking some very dark paths, but I am going to talk about the last 7 days trying if I can to skirt around the real issues.
I am a pretty open person, for the most part I think the people that know me appreciate that at times I can be quite sharp and often come off as being attacking in the way that I talk about things. There have been plenty of times in the past where this has resulted in me coming unstuck, most significantly being my ventures in event’s coverage for music magazines and sites which I have done on and off since 2002. I’ve called out people who I wanted to consider my equal but they considered to be above and have on several occasions felt the negative impact of that, I got black listed for a short while from a few venues for telling them what I thought about operations and how it affected other people and I called a few photographers a few words that perhaps I shouldn’t have (I would link but Flickr and history in groups doesn’t mix). I learnt from those mistakes, repaired bridges and put myself in a better light. So much so that I got asked by Sonisphere Festival last year to be on staff.
It didn’t mean that I ceased to be who I am – I am that guy that people go to because they want a reality check and without any punches being pulled but it’s also – I hope, that they trust me and that they believe that what I say is an honest opinion but I also learnt about audience and that you need to understand somebody before decided how to talk to them.
On Sunday, I was listening to a podcast by somebody who I greatly admire and respect and have been enjoying the show for quite some time. I like everything about it. It reflects an organisation that holds the same values as me. Honesty, openness and a desire to learn from the past rather than dwell. In the last year I have had a major reduction in self confidence and esteem, I decided it was time to shake it out and get back to who I was and get involved. As such I was going to write an email to the podcast about the topic they were discussing as I thought I had some interesting opinions of the subject matter. I got very excited because there was an option to leave a voicemail! Thinking that this could be the perfect vehicle for me as quite often my words come across like razor wire to a the neck of a Vietnamese street biker I decided to type up my response and then record it.
Whilst sending my voicemail I spotted something in the sites process that could be seen as providing a negative or conflicting experience. I wrote a follow up email quickly highlighting this.
Instead of a quick response and a thank you for your interest in the podcast I got chewed out.
This, as I am sure most can appreciate is devastating. A person who I saw as highly professional and considered to be a good peer being… well not what you would expect. Of course I replied in a perhaps more than sarcastic way but none the less honest which transpired as an opportunity to respond to me with an onslaught of corrections and accusations and assumptions about me as a person which had started that I was criticising somebodies hard work and concluded with a statement along the lines of “quit wasting my time little boy and run along”.
So that was a real shit way to start a Monday yet it got worse. A few hours later, another person who I greatly admire – and I have no idea why decided to post a comment on this blog which in my eyes was done to be spiteful or damaging. I don’t know why and really I don’t care.. now I don’t, I did then and was debating on writing emails, or actually picking up the phone and asking what the deal was. Regardless I don’t believe in the magical ink mentality of the web – if it is written so it shall be.
I actually quite liked the statement! So much so I have changed the strap line of my site. Why? Because these people are our role models and our peers, by that logic I can only assume that I am an unintelligent and irreverent 29yr old man-boy.
They are the pioneers of an expansive industry, guiding all of us and often preaching form the parapet that everything we know is wrong and their way is better, suddenly – you have a new W3C spec, or a way of working or thinking and I would imagine given the chance they’d be telling us how to dress, eat and breathe.
The problem for me is that there is this rock star mentality approaching sheer arrogance emerging from these visionaries and in turn a forgetfulness that in order for there to be any elite society you need peasants on the street doing the work and I am happy being one of them!
Since 1998 I have been involved in the music industry at some level. I have met some real wankers too. The thing that has always amazed me is that they’re never the most famous, it is always the ones on the fringe of nothingness. I’ve been punched in the face by a vocalist who had inhaled too much fairy dust and drunk too much shandy just for setting up a stage monitor at the wrong angle. But then spent an afternoon with Jerry Cantrell and had one of the most enjoyable days of my life.
To try to a new tact and create an article with a point…
If you are in the business of creating anything that is for personal consumption you should be continually thinking about how what you construct makes somebody feel and how great it makes you feel when you can help another it isn’t something you train for, you don’t need a degree and the only experience you need is life.
Don’t shit on the little guy, even if he is wrong – teach him why and have time and compassion for one another. It may sound hippy dippy but if you don’t try to love one another you’ll find yourself in a motorway service station drawing a giant chalk penis on your own back with pubis at the base and semen emanating from the crown. (see Alan Partridge)